apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
