I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
