Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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