Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
