So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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