I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
be right there i have to get my cape
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
