is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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