I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize