Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
