Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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