he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
