FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
