I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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