"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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