I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
