i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
