It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize