How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I want is dick and wine.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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