youre lurking in front of me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize