it was like his penis was on wheels.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Someone came in the potted fern
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
