I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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