3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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