I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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