I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize