I think my vagina is haunted
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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