Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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