You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
