Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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