Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
