I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
