Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
