I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
