i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
