oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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