then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
