I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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