A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Non-Jews are for practice
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
