I can text with my tongue
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
