I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
