I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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