Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
