anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
