ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
