You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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