yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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