Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
