Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
