you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
