You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We named our party play list daddy issues
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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