the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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