Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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