There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
