I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
