Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
