May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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