Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize