and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's the barista slut.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
