You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
