It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
