Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
