K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
