i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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