drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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