hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
