When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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