Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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